Just Pretending

Feel like a cheat who's managed to half-ass my way into deep water, but never learned to swim with the sharks (to mix metaphors).

I am envious

Of all you scadians, trekkies, troopers, civil war re-enactors, gun-show nuts, church freaks, furries, larpers, fan-fictioneers, movie-campers, flash mobs, dave-festians, browncoats... anyone with enough conviction and confidence to stand up for what you enjoy and seek out others to participate in the same strain. Dive in far enough to become an avid, an expert, a collector, reknown. I can't tell you how many times I've seen people dig in to someting 'nerdy' or 'dorky' and see it pay off, or even how happy they are just living in that world. Something prevents me from doing the same. Innate fear of following the crowd, even if the crowd is like-minded. Lack of commitment to anything, real or fiction far enough to be anything but mediocre... I dunno.
For all you ready to accept what you love and live in the now. I salute you.

Except for the furries. I was just kidding about them.
Fuck the furries, that shit's just wrong.

Uspent Youth

Cool sunny August morning reminds me of summer in Montana. The adolescent melancholy I thought for being in love.
Now I think that it was the first signs of chronic depression.

Thank you Netflix

For allowing me to pay a fraction of the price to watch a boatload of mediocre movies in the comfort of my own living room on a better screen and with pauses for pee breaks vs the theaters.