Heath Ledger never visited this blog!

Neither has Brittany, or Lohan, Clinton, Obama, or even Steve down the hall in my office building.

But do you see what I did? By adding the name of a recently headline making celebrity, I (theoretically) instantly made you more interested in reading the rest of the article, despite the fact it has nothing to do with famous people. It's an example of what a good portion of our news media is trying to: trick you into spending your hard-earned time looking at their advertising and other shocking but full of useless information stories. It's a world of trapdoor journalism venomous un-news.

Do yourself a favor. Don't watch the news. Or read the news, or pay any attention to what the mass media has to offer. They have predatory instincts. Waiting with "Man kills 5 puppies, self.. tonight at eleven" lures. Hoping you'll be so shocked you'll need to tune in to see about this latest, most terrible thing. Sure they'll spill the beans, but not until they've revealed their jagged teeth and have you sucked into an hour of coming-up-nexts and how-this-thing-could-maybe-sort-of-impact-you-if-you-were-dumb-enough-to believe it. Before you know it you've lost precious doing something else time and learned very little to help you in your daily life.

On TV, their tactics are desperate. Since no one watches any more, they fill their promos with "...the warning you can't afford to miss." Because you know it's important enough for you to stay up, but not important enough to tell you ahead of time. Any dip in the median climate is a good excuse to huck an ALLERGY FRONT MOVING IN TONIGHT, TUNE IN FOR DETAILS along the bottom of your favorite reality show. Any reason, really to raise their celluloid skirts and jiggle their local-talent legs at you so you'll pull over at the next half-hour and let them hump your braincells out for a ride in your headspace.

The internet is just a tricky game of fishing. Same news being reported, but he who has the most attractive bait yields the most page hits, (and hopefully a place at the top of a large aggregate like Digg or google news). Let us consider the case of two headlines:
A) "Bird flu hits India as Turkey and Indonesia detect cases." -Reuters.
B)"A Pandemic That Wasn’t but Might Be." -The New York Times.
Essentially reporting on the same news, but one is buried deep in the Health News section of a major website, the other is about the 4th link down on one of the most popular sites on the internet.
The best part is none of this is really news, it's the same scare-tactic they've been pitching for years now. The almost-disaster, the what-if, the it-could-happen-to-you, if-we-make-it-sound-really-scary-people-will-keep-reading-it. Sure it pays to be informed about our global apocalypse before it happens, but it would be nice to make up a new one at this point.

I'm not sure about the whole Blogging-as-Journalism craze right now. I have not cast my vote yet. Just because you have an internet connection, doesn't mean I care who you are or what your opinion is (but I'll applaud your right to express it). But at least 9 out of 10 times you aren't trying to sensationalize things or trick me with a clever headline about nothing. The bloggers seem to at least give a shit about what they are writing about.

Just pick a day. One whole day. And stay away from it. The news, the internet, papers, magazines... this blog. Let the poison of redundant newscasting, recycled headlines, and flat-out pointless information seep out. You'll be amazed how little you miss it, and how clear your head is the next day.

I sincerely apologize to Heath Ledger for using his fame and tragedy as an example.

Until next time.
-I'm Dan Duchebag, reporting for channel Sux.