Fallout from a faltering economy perhaps. Manufacturing quality slips a bit. Goods you used to rely on now cost a little more and have a tendency to be a little shoddier than you're used to.
You must have felt it too. It's the kind of problem we're all facing every day.
I'm talking about the bread I buy at the grocery store. It's fucked.
This is the good bread. The shit you pay $4.00 for now that used to cost $2.50 before the stock market took a high-dive belly flop. The 'premium' shit marketed with every variety of 9-12-18 grain, whole wheat, honey wheat, butter milk, potato, dark rye, farking anything they'll throw in a pre-packaged bag and call good stuff.
There's a pattern lately. Everything looks fine at first, working through the useless undersized pieces near the heel. Those are there to fool you. Once you start getting into the uniform slices you can actually make a goddamn sandwich with, you start to see them.
The holes.
Little bubbles just a bit bigger than the regular texture on the expensive-ass bread. Not big enough to be a problem. Just like it's sprouted little empty eyes trying to see just what the fuck you're defiling it with every time you concoct a brie-bologna-arugula masterpiece. By about 1/3rd into the tar-baby you've got some real shit on your hands. Dime-sized gaps waiting to fuck up your lunch with a handful of mayo squeezing through one of these puss-holes when you land your first starving bite.
I wouldn't complain if it hadn't been like the LAST FIVE GODDAMN LOAVES IN A ROW that ope their crusty lips like the sex doll I left deflated in the closet a few roommates back. I've switched brands, stores, you name it. This swiss-cheese bread phenomenon follows me no matter where I go. One loaf I had ended up with air-bubbles the size of uncut green-beans, rendering 50% of my freakin expensive bread almost completely useless.
Thanks asshole Quality Control guys at the premium bread factory. I'm about ready to give in and just buy the white squares of nutritionless cardboard that my folks grew up on. At least I know I can spread some goddamn peanut-butter on it without puking any back at me mid-breakfast on Monday-fucking-morning.
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