The pessimists guide to optimism.

You are surrounded by darkness. Everything poking out from the world has been produced by the morons who create the media. The political system is a sham, the economic system in shambles. Your co-workers need constant derailing lest their asinine ideas see the light of day. You hate people in general and the things they do and use on a daily basis.
As much fun as it is to sit in your ivory tower of enlightened cynicism toward your fellow beings. The fact of the matter is that pessimism just doesn't get you very far. Hate your co-workers? Well adding a broody know-it-all to the mix isn't making the workplace any better.
It's taken me a long time to see this, but maybe I can boil down some simple steps to turn your totally justified pessimism into just a hint of optimistic usefulness next time around.

1. Find at least one thing to be happy about all day: Related to all the stuff that's pissing you off. Work sucking hard? Take a moment to appreciate how much you've gotten done this week. Cranky at the people you work with? Think of at least one attribute of theirs you appreciate. You'll be surprised how much it helps to take the edge off if you can see one seed of light in the middle of the darkness.

2. Stay away from the news: Every day you'll see new horrific stories of 'whole family slain' and 'how bad is the economy'. The news media thrives on shock-value stories and we can't seem to pull ourselves away from the car-wreck of them finding the most debase acts people can do to each other and splash it all over the top headline links. Do yourself a favor, stay away from the news, all news for at least one whole day. You'll be amazed how much other good stuff your brain can use to fill the time.

3. Get out and exercise: Got a mid-day hate on? Take a walk. Tough day on the job? Hit the gym right after work. Nothing combats the desire to rage like pumping your brain full of endorphins. Not only will you be getting your own private party on from nature's own happy-drug on, but you'll be getting healthy while you do it.

4. Make small changes: Most pessimists I know (the vast majority of which are myself) love nothing better than to sit from on high and espouse our manifestos built of skepticism down-to-earth thinking. It's easy to feel that the whole world is full of wrong and there's not much we can do to make a difference. The difference between a pessimist and an activist, is the will to take action. One of the key problem-solving techniques is to break big problems into smaller ones and solve the little problems first. And just like the idea that just getting started on a huge daunting pile of work will help build momentum to finish it off. So to will pessimism start to give way to hope and *gasp* optimism once you see some small changes you've made having a positive effect on the world you're so eager to be angry at.

If I ran the world

There's be more stuff like this:

Forget Alien's vs. Predator. Imagine the move Aliens. Only replace the H.R. Geiger monstrosities with the cute furry Tribbles from the Star Trek world:
Just put that in your mind and remember this scene:

Them: "We searched the life boat centimeter by centimeter and found no evidence of an alien life form
Ripley: "That's because I blew it out the gawddamn airlock!"

Or we add some sounds and visuals to this scene:

Hudson: "...8 meters"
sound: we hear a clanking of something up above and a sinister *coo coo* noise.
Ripley: "That can't be that's inside the room"

Guess you have to be in my head to appreciate all that. But I swear I'm gonna film that some day and it's going to be freaking hilarious.

Creative Comeuppance

There comes a point where every creative process will meet cold hard reality. Good ideas are simply lost to the ethereal goo if pen doesn't hit paper. Think if Shakespeare, DaVinci, Shaw had never committed their ideas to hard copy.
By the same token the creative film director who can't coordinate the nuts and bolts process will never see their vision to the light of day. It's the kind of thing that gives me respect for some of these big names who have pulled off genius but eventually get written off for some notable mediocrity. Spielberg, Lucas, Scorsse. People like me lack the sheer concept of moving something from idea to footage that these people figured out 20 years ago. It takes a certain tenacity, mode of means, and devotion to bring forth creative ideas in a medium that others will discover. Just because everything we see isn't a home run, doesn't mean we should discount their entire body of work.

How many genius ideas have been borne and lost within a single mind, with no concrete document of it passing. For a gross estimate, what if all the content we see only constitutes one half of the great ideas that have been created. How many stories, sculptures, films, paintings, operas, dances never saw the face of light because they were trapped inside someone's mind. My guess is that the percentage is far greater, but there is simply no way to tell who many works of genius have been lost over the years.

What would have happened to Michelangelo's body of work if his hands had been crippled as an infant rendering him unable to paint?
History is written by the victors. As is art. Not to mention those who put their works in media mean to last. Stone lasts longer than parchment, paper longer than these magnets I trust to my thoughts. Are there whole cultures, entire archetypes and unique stories wiped out simply because their methods of transcription couldn't survive over time? It is just as foolish to think we are the lone intelligence in this universe as to think we have seen even a fraction of the history that once existed.

What am I getting at? Create something. Put it to stone, to paper, to 0's and 1's. I truly believe that every person born to create something unique and amazing. So few will survive time and decay. Don't loose your story to the short memories of our lifetimes. We are far too important to be forgotten.

Rejected IT Headlines for April Fools

1. IT Department goes green, cuts bandwidth to all users in order to help reduce carbon footprint.

2. Conficker update takes it airborne, now infects humans.

3. System Administrator takes down 'The Server'

4. New server name scheme launched: all to be replaced with names of major stock markets.