Summer comes early.

Feels like the long gone days of summer. Summers for some are the peak, the end result of 9 months of hard work. For me summers were always some strange world. Where I almost never felt like I was getting what I wanted. I was a wandering, aimless fool. Just enough of an outsider to even my social group that I had trouble coming up with stuff to do. Couple of adolescent summers away from home and stuck away from what I was used to may have started things off. Or maybe it was the summers spend in daycare or at home under the watch of my older brother? Doesn't matter, the fact is I never amounted to much in the summer months. Even through school and college, I would wind up in strange jobs just outside the world. Graveyard shift, groundskeeper at a music venue, running the pre-show junk at the theatre venue. Now its even easier to do nothing with a whole house and family to take care of.

I blame the fact that so much stuff comes easy. There are those people who start out with everything hard and have to struggle start to finish. Others are the annoying ones whom everything always comes/looks easy. I fall somewhere in the middle, the intelligent people with common sense for which many things start out easy, but reach a point where it takes work to continue. That place for me is somewhere in the C+ B- range. This has managed to get me as far as I am now. Do whatever until that thing gets hard, then bail. Once I hit the 1st plateau of diminishing returns I simply quit and take the consequences.. To this day I don't have the motivation to move into the hard stuff and really chew it up and get to where I can excel. This got me through high-school but not college. Gets me into a good job but no farther, it's the reason some stuff around the house isn't done, why I don't write anything useful, why I don't even get good at the video games I waste most of my time on.

When in doubt I'm a selfish lazy, coward. Never able to take a risk or creep out from the hiding place that is almost circumstance. It's taken me a long time to realize that you need to go out and make things happen for yourself. No one is going to do it for you. Realization or not it still takes effort to go forth. I may be misquoting but Mark Twain had it best "Even if you're on the right track you'll get run over if you just sit there." Summer always brought out the most of that from graduation to September, it's just a dreamworld of should-haves waiting ot happen.